There’s a unique influence that strict parents tend to have on their children.
Growing up under rigid rules and high expectations can be tough, but it often shapes us in ways we don’t recognize until we’re adults.
Such upbringing can lead to certain habits, some positive and some negative. I’ve identified eight common habits that seem to be developed by those of us who were raised by strict parents.
The habits may surprise you, but they are a testament to the lasting impact of our formative years.
In the lines below, I’ll delve into these eight habits often seen in individuals who grew up with strict parents.
1) Overthinking decisions
Strict parenting often involves making decisions for the child, leaving little room for independent thought.
As a result, many individuals who grew up with strict parents may find themselves overthinking even the smallest decisions as adults. Sometimes, it’s as if their brain is compensating for all those years of having decisions made for them.
They might ponder over a restaurant menu for an extended period, or agonize over which shirt to wear to a casual outing. It may seem trivial to others, but the process of decision-making can be a daunting task for them.
The good news is that overthinking can also lead to careful planning and thoroughness in their work, which are valuable qualities in many professional fields. So while it can be a burden, this habit of overthinking can sometimes work to their advantage.
Remember, if you recognize this habit in yourself or others, it’s essential to understand where it comes from and show empathy.
2) Punctuality is second nature
One thing I’ve noticed about myself and others who were raised by strict parents is our obsession with punctuality.
Growing up, my parents were adamant about being on time. Whether it was school, family events, or even casual outings with friends, being late was simply not an option. I remember my dad always saying, “If you’re on time, you’re late. If you’re early, you’re on time.”
This rule was so ingrained in me that it carried over into my adulthood. Now, I find myself always arriving early for meetings or social events. I’ll feel a sense of anxiety if I think I’m going to be even a minute late.
On the upside, this habit has positively impacted my professional life. Employers and colleagues always appreciate punctuality, and it’s helped me build a reputation as someone reliable and respectful of other people’s time. But it can also create unnecessary stress when circumstances out of my control might make me late.
So if you’re like me, raised by strict parents and always conscious of time, remember to give yourself a break sometimes. Life happens, and it’s okay to be late every once in a while.
3) High levels of self-discipline
Children brought up under strict parenting often become masters of self-discipline. Having been raised with firm rules and guidelines, they naturally develop a strong sense of discipline that often extends into their adult lives.
For instance, they may be more likely to stick to a fitness regimen or commit to learning a new skill, simply because they are used to setting goals and achieving them.
Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Personality found that self-discipline is a better predictor of academic success than IQ. So while this habit may stem from a stringent upbringing, it’s a valuable trait that can lead to success in various areas of life.
However, like all things, balance is key. Over-discipline can lead to burnout and stress. It’s crucial to remember to relax and enjoy life alongside pursuing goals.
4) Craving structure and routine
Strict parents often operate on a schedule. There’s a set time for meals, chores, homework, and bedtime. This regimented upbringing can lead to an affinity for structure and routine in adulthood.
Those raised by strict parents often find comfort in knowing what comes next. They might have detailed daily plans, prefer jobs with clear expectations, or feel unsettled when their routine is disrupted.
While this habit can contribute to efficiency and productivity, it’s also important to remain flexible. Life is unpredictable, and being able to adapt to change is a crucial skill. So while routine can be comforting, it’s also beneficial to occasionally step out of the comfort zone.
5) Struggling to say no
Saying “no” can be incredibly challenging for those who grew up with strict parents.
As children, they may have been taught to comply without question, with little room for dissent or negotiation. As a result, they often carry this habit into adulthood, finding it difficult to set boundaries and assert their needs.
Saying “yes” when they really want to say “no” can lead to feelings of resentment and exhaustion. However, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and wants.
Learning to say “no” is a journey, requiring patience and self-kindness. Standing up for yourself does not make you selfish or unkind, it simply means you are taking care of your emotional wellbeing. And that’s something we all deserve.
6) Perfectionism can become a norm
When I was young, my parents set high standards for everything. Whether it was grades, chores, or sports, excellence was expected. While this pushed me to strive for success, it also instilled a deep-rooted habit of perfectionism in me.
Now as an adult, I often find myself obsessing over minute details, spending extra effort to make things “just right”, even when it’s not necessary. This perfectionism extends from my work to my personal life, from arranging my desk to folding laundry.
While aiming for excellence can drive success, extreme perfectionism can lead to increased stress and anxiety. Recognizing this, I’ve learned that sometimes, good enough is just that – good enough. We are all human and making mistakes is a part of our journey. It’s important to strive for progress, not perfection.
7) Valuing privacy
Growing up, privacy might have been a luxury for those with strict parents. From open-door policies to limited personal space, the concept of privacy may have been foreign.
As a result, in adulthood, they often place a high value on their personal space and privacy. They may prefer living alone or having their own room in shared accommodation. They might also be more guarded about sharing personal information.
While valuing privacy can be healthy, it’s crucial to balance it with openness and trust, especially in close relationships. Privacy is important, but so is connection and vulnerability with others. It’s all about finding the right balance for you.
8) Resilience is a common trait
Despite the challenges, one remarkable quality that individuals raised by strict parents often develop is resilience. Having navigated a childhood with high expectations and rules, these individuals have a knack for bouncing back from adversity.
They understand that life isn’t always easy, and they’re equipped with the grit and determination to face whatever comes their way. This resilience can serve them well in many aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional endeavors.
Remember, resilience isn’t about never falling, but about getting back up every time you do. It’s a testament to your strength and determination. And that’s something to be proud of.
Final thoughts: It’s all part of the journey
Reflecting on the habits we’ve discussed, it’s important to remember that our upbringing is just one piece of the complex puzzle that shapes us.
Growing up with strict parents, many develop habits of punctuality, perfectionism, high self-discipline, or a deep value for privacy. And while some of these habits may create challenges, they also often lead to strengths like resilience and determination.
A quote by American psychologist Carl Rogers resonates strongly here: “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.”
Recognizing these habits in ourselves isn’t about blaming our parents or feeling trapped by our past. Instead, it’s an opportunity for self-awareness and growth. It’s about understanding the journey that has shaped us and using that knowledge to continue shaping ourselves into the people we want to be.
Life is a constant process of learning and evolving. And every experience, every habit, and every part of our past plays a role in that journey. It makes us who we are today, and who we will become tomorrow.
