There are no hard-set rules for how a man should approach a woman in public if he finds her attractive. When considering whether to introduce himself, many questions run through a guy’s head. Is this an appropriate place to approach her? What should I say? Should I ask her for her number? How will I know if she’s interested?
Then, of course, he has to worry about being rejected.
To make things even more complicated, it’s hard to know the social norms in 2024 regarding picking up on someone. Some women may feel it’s always inappropriate for a stranger to approach them and make small talk, while others may welcome the attention.
How to approach women in public
To help single men navigate the tricky waters of being single in 2024, a group of women shared the “best ways to approach” them without coming off as creepy. The women shared many great tips, but they mostly came down to a central point: be friendly and don’t make it sexual. Then, after shooting your shot, listen to her responses and watch her body language to see if she’s interested. If not, kindly leave her alone.
Here are 13 of the best responses to the question: “Single women of Reddit, what’s the best way to approach you without coming off as creepy?”
1. Treat ’em like guys
“My approach was just to talk to girls like they are the same as guys. Sometimes we would click and end up dating other times made a friend. If I go into every interaction with the pressure of picking up someone to date, I think that very rarely works.”
“This is literally the correct answer; they are just girls/humans. Believe it or not, they like to talk and have hobbies too. All my friends used to tell me how I was so confident because I was not scared to talk to girls, lol.”
2. Time and place are important
“Headphones are a universal symbol of ‘I don’t want to be bothered right now.’ If I’m actively dancing with my friends, yelling in my ear on the dance floor is not the place. Wait until I’m at the bar or the smoking area where we can hear each other. If I walk through a desolate park, I will feel alarmed to have a man I don’t know approach me. If I’m at work where I have to speak to you and cannot walk away, that is very unfair on me.”
“Generally, if it feels like you’re interrupting something important or a task that takes concentration, you shouldn’t. Approach me as a person first and a potential date second. Start a conversation and talk about life and interests. I don’t find it flattering when the conversation opens with a comment on my body or asking if I have Snapchat.”
3. Don’t make it sexual
“Creepy = making the interaction sexualized from the start. Be friendly, not flirty to start. One good rule of thumb — if you wouldn’t be comfortable saying the same thing to a man you’ve never met before, then don’t say it to a woman.”
How to ask a woman for her number
4. Give her your number (don’t ask for hers)
“I do prefer the offer of him giving me his number vs him asking for mine. It feels a little less pressured, don’t ask me why. I guess being able to reach out when I’m ready vs just suddenly there’s a message and then I’m panicked with how long to wait to respond, worrying about if I waited too long, responded too quickly, or heck even just feeling the pressure to respond right away.”
5. Don’t ask if she’s taken
“’Do you have a boyfriend?’ should not be the first words out of your mouth. This is almost always the first thing men say to me when they approach me in public (sometimes without even asking my name!!) and it always makes me feel weird.”
6. Watch for eye contact
“If I don’t make eye contact, I’m not interested in being approached.”
7. Genuine interest
“I can say that the best approach is to be friendly, respectful, and show genuine interest in getting to know me as a person.”
8. Compliment what they control
“When giving compliments, focus on things we have control over vs the things we don’t. A compliment on my hairstyle or my makeup or the t-shirt I’m wearing will always be more welcome than a comment on the size or shape of my body.”
9. Take the hint
“If at any point she starts acting closed off—avoiding eye contact, giving bare-minimum answers, looking for reasons to leave—take the hint and back off. Other than that, let the conversation flow and see if you vibe.”
10. Don’t move too fast
“As someone who’s been married for some time, a mistake I see a lot of guys make is when they approach with the intention of moving on to something physical as soon as possible. It’s like you can see their mental checklist and the go/no go decision tree in their head. If it works, it’s usually because the woman in the situation was already intending to pick him up anyway.”
11. Contact me, if you like
“After sharing a little moment or a laugh (grocery store, library, wherever), cruise by before you leave and hand over your business card (or any piece of paper) with your phone number and email on it. Say: ‘It would be nice to see you again. Contact me if you’d like to!’ then leave.”
12. Some women are waiting for you to approach them
“Honestly, (and I’m absolutely NOT speaking for all women), I feel so frickin invisible on the regular that I would gladly embrace ANY sort of casual hello with a smile. I’m literally starving so just…ANYTHING at this point. If I’m in an aisle at your store, ask me how my day is. If I’m by myself in a line for a Rollercoaster, as is usually the case, ask me if I’ve ridden the coaster before.”
13. Creepy is a feeling
“Creep is something we feel, not think. Two men can say the exact same thing, even something inappropriate, but if their tone, energy, body language whatever, is different, one will feel inherently creepy in our skin. We can feel when someone has bad intent usually.”
